Verbal Abuse

<<defamation, slander>>

Emotional wounds caused by harsh, unkind words of frustration, including complaining and criticism off-loaded onto others, are often more traumatic and devastating to a person than physical injuries as the self-esteem is adversely affected. The closer the relationship is, the more damaging the effect of any harsh, unkind words. This is true for all our communications to others, but especially within a marriage, so endeavour to speak only loving and self-controlled words to your spouse. In any conflict, restrain yourself as untold damage can be inflicted by verbally reacting in the heat of the moment (Prov 18:21). Outbursts of verbal abuse can potentially escalate into physical abuse.

Timing, attitude and manner are important aspects of good and helpful communication for it is not only what is said but also how. The Bible says a quiet answer turns away wrath, and we are to speak the truth in love (Prov 15:1; Eph 4:15). If we are secure in Christ we shouldn’t need to blame, justify self or answer back instead we will display the nature of Jesus, often termed the fruit of the Spirit.

Many things are said which would be best left unsaid, as later they are regretted, having been spoken in haste (Prov 29:20; Eccl 7:9). How many times have I made a fool of myself through an emotional outburst, pouring out venom? Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, but we will

Help me, Lord, to set a watch before my mouth – Psalm 141:3

give account (before God) of the words we say, so keep a close watch on what gushes forth during times of pressure – this reveals what’s actually inside our broken personalities (Mt 12:36, 15:11,18,19; Jas 1:26, 3:2-10).

When attacked verbally and accused Jesus didn’t defend Himself on the lesser charges but only replied when it was about His relationship to God, which pointed to His mission in coming to earth (Mt 26:62-64, 27:11-14). Often the best defence is to refrain from entering into a verbal exchange and be quiet, directing our attention, not inward in self-pity, but to God. Any refuting of charges made is futile when people’s minds are made up and they won’t listen to fact or reason, instead just wanting to argue or criticise. Jesus, our example, committed Himself to God who judges justly, instead of arguing (1 Pet 2:23).

Break the cycle of retaliation by extending forgiveness, showing love and praying for those who despitefully treat you – this will free you of bitterness and may lead to reconciliation with the other party (Mt 5:11,44; 1 Pet 3:9). The apostles replied graciously to their questioners, then after they were flogged rejoiced that they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the name of Christ (Acts 5:17-42). What is my response when insulting, unjustified words are directed at me? When the words of others have hurt us, we can find healing in the true words of God. When we have hurt others with our words, we can find forgiveness in God and should also seek it from those we have harmed.