Teenage(r)

<<adolescent>>

This is probably the most difficult period in a person’s life, when they are going through the transition period from being a child into early adulthood, and they achieve their own identity. At puberty, the body’s hormones begin to make the young person into the distinctive male or female physical form, with the corresponding, characteristic emotional and mental qualities and preferences. Turbulent emotions may be expressed in rebellion to authority and demands for freedom to decide for themselves. At this stage too, interest is stirred in the opposite gender, with pornography and masturbation ensnaring many, along with experimenting in pre-marital sex, drugs or alcohol, which are detrimental to a God-honouring life.

God does forgive those who have fallen into Satan’s trap, in these and other areas, when there is genuine repentance, yet the knock-on effects of such actions normally last a lifetime, and a person’s effectiveness is less than if godly principles had been followed consistently. When God’s Word says ‘no’, it is for our benefit – He knows what can destroy us. It is more logical to go about things in the best way – choosing the path of life and blessing by obeying from the start rather than trying to rectify the situation when on the path of death and curse because of disobedience (Deut 30:19; 1 Sam 15:22).

Peer pressure is strong and is a tactic Satan often successfully uses to lure teenagers to do what they later regret when they face the consequences. Do not go down the devil’s pathway, instead find good friends and be prepared to be ridiculed for your position on various issues. Determine in your heart what your stand will be towards the different vices that have derailed many a promising life, and don’t be apologetic when saying a firm ‘No’. Keep yourself from compromising situations and flee temptation. It is often during (or soon after) this sometimes bewildering period of change in one's life that decisions are made that will set the direction for much of the remainder of your life on earth, with the repercussions even continuing into eternity.

Parents need special wisdom, tact and tolerance to guide their developing youth through this time, when their physical bodies are more developed than their emotional capabilities, and to handle the multitude of new scenarios that suddenly come their way. Often teenagers think everything revolves

Treat your teenagers well – life is better without unnecessary regrets

about them, instead of having a healthy outward focus toward others. Parents need to provide a listening ear and wise counsel while they themselves seek divine wisdom as to which issues are non-negotiable and need confronting, and which are of no major importance and can be overlooked as part of the growing up process. Reactions need to be carefully managed so that when stressful situations arise they are handled in a balanced and calm way, without alienating the adolescents or causing conflict between the parents.

Ideally, children should experience their parents leading by example, teaching values consistently, with open communication and guidance. As a child grows older, they should be given increasing liberty in the decisions they make, yet always with the guiding, loving, monitoring of the parents, yet teenagers still must be submissive to, and honour their parents (Ex 20:12). Wise parents do not criticise but instead reinforce good behaviour and other favourable qualities by commending them for their considerate words, actions and abilities while challenging them on negative opinions of themselves. From childhood sound guidelines for personal hygiene, dress and input from media need to be continually reinforced. To a large degree, physical attributes are beyond human control, while character qualities require effort and persistence to develop.

Boundaries, especially for dating, need to established and emphasised with love yet firmness. As teenagers move from the stage of dependency on Mum and Dad to a more ‘buddy’ footing, they still should be submissive to

Keep the communication lines open

their parents while under their charge. Parents should always be respected, and have a closer relationship with their adolescent offspring than the young people themselves do with those of a similar age. Parents should know the mates of their teens, having an open home policy that welcomes the whole group around to ‘hang out’, and advise, where necessary, against those who appear harmful.

The parent’s responsibility to love, nurture and protect includes guiding the teenager through this period when self-acceptance can be severely challenged. Teenagers are looking for love and care, role models to follow, together with truth on which to build their lives, so parents should encourage and urge their children to live lives worthy of God (1 Thes 2:11,12). The Bible declares, “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). Although this is not a watertight promise it does indicate the powerful influence of the authority figures in their lives on impressionable young minds. Each person has to have their own faith; they can’t rely on the umbrella covering of their parents. Sadly, some teenagers reject the good counsel and the wholesome values they were brought up with, considering such ideals as old fashioned and restrictive. A whole new world is opening before them, enticing them to experience for themselves the ‘pleasures’ of the world. Just as Satan tempted Eve in the garden, such things appear ‘good’ to the carnal nature in the short-term, yet soon there are long-term, heartbreaking consequences to those who challenge and spurn what is right.

While there is a general belief that emerging teenagers will turn into emotional or unruly monsters, this is not always the case as many young people come through this transition with little traumatic upheaval, so don’t expect it, rather be prepared if it does. If you are a parent, speak positive words into their lives. If you are the teenager, do you obey and

This is a passing phase of life – Praise God!

respect your parents? Remember, that to fulfill God’s purpose for your life requires consistent, ongoing right choices, yet forgiveness is available when there is genuine repentance.